We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
