is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
