He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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