i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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