A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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