I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
