We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
