I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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