i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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