Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
