Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
