i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
