Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
