I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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