need another drink. this is the easiest way
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
