apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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