As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm like, not good at living.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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