So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
