I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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