Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
