Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
