i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
