Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
