Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
