i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
