I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
