Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
