you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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