I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
