operation harelip BJ is a go
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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