Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
