I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
