I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
