Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
