Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
