youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
