so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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