Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
