I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
