I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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