i jhust puked up my retainher.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize