I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
