He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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