what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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