I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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