I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
