hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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