Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
