Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
