i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
