I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
