it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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