There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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