I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
