He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize