he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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