I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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