I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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