I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
