my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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