Everything about him screamed your future.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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