East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
