bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
