What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
