It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
