watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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