Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just had sex bonerless
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
