Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Holy sore nipples Batman
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
