Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
