yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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