a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
