When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
