wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
