I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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